This picture is for the wonderful, creative, smart ladies at http://booksnobbery.wordpress.com/
Now, if you know all about them, then you know what this picture is…
If you don’t, you have to play the game…
Find out the story behind this picture…
Any way you can…
Wait… Sorry… that came out wrong…
I guess I could have said; I am not not following you because you suck… But that is a double negative, and it sounds like I am following you, and you do suck.
I could have tried; I am not following you, but you don’t suck… That comes across as condescending and rude.
What I meant to say was that if you are following me, and I am not following you yet, it is not because you suck.
All I really want to say is that I try to go through my list of followers whenever I have a chance, and read a few things, and then I am frequently caught up in your charm and wit and stunningly deep observations and astounding pictures and then I click follow buttons like a court stenographer transcribing th O.J. Simpson trial, and will no doubt end up following you like a love-sick puppy for all the rest of your days.
But not in a creepy stalker kind of a way… oh, no.
(And please, make comments. Comments are a nice way to let someone know not only that you liked something they did, but it is a chance to showcase how deep and clever you are. We all like having our ‘like’ button tickled… oh, yeah… but brilliant comments are the way to get noticed)…
Thank you.
The stars pale in the heavens at your approach…
Your eyes hold the glimmering of the radiant, laughing moon, frolicking on a deep and windswept lake…
But your smile, your smile, Milady, lights my heart and my soul as the poor sun tries vainly to light the day…
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That was for my wife…
And that is how I feel every single day…
She doesn’t read my blog, so that’s sort of a bummer…
But I know it’s here…
Or; What is that spurting out of that Dick’s head?
Don’t be concerned, it’s only lava…
Sorry, Dotty, I know I promised no more pictures of the lovable Mr. Cheney, but I thought the world should be aware of what he looks like when he blows his top.
I have tried begging, manipulation, trickery, and seduction, all to get you people to go back and read this blog from the beginning, which is the only way it makes any sense.
None of those things have worked… (well, three or four people went back and read it, but I obviously need to work on my seduction technique)…
So I went back and copied an old post that I am particularly proud of.
Just start reading, and see if you can figure out what it is before you get to the middle…
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Dear Sirrah,
Still no appetite for thy heinous concoction doth my tongue construe to desire.
Neither hither nor yon would’st such tinted and perhaps tainted fare present itself less foully to my palate.
I dislike the notion of consuming such victuals even within mine own dwelling, whereas being attended by a rodent during the course of such a repast seems ill-bethought.
Likewise did the fox seem poorly put upon when I did but seek to inquire if he would care to join me in a supper of such surpassingly unusual colour. And as for my retiring to the confinement of a box of suitable size to permit, whilst I did find the quietude fortuitous to composing verse, methinks it did but little to render my dislike of the plate placed before me into a true liking.
Forsooth, I am far beyond the age where dining on a tree branch seems practicable.
I knoweth not of this ‘train’ of which thou spake, but I doth contend that verily, no such conveyance of the future would do more to commend such a dastardly meal to mine stomach than any of thine other recommendations, and as for supping in inclement weather, would’st thou indeed have me catch my death of consumption in such a manner?
Nor would’st consuming them upon the oaken deck of yon sturdy boat enhance the virtues of said ghastly repast. And whilst questioning thy advice to devour them in the presence of a barnyard animal, their taste would be to me no more appealing were said goat well nigh at hand.
In short, my good Sir Samuel, I still but belikest me little of thy offering of eggs and ham the colour of foliage. Nor does the prospect of swallowing any foodstuffs that do take on such hues as might be seen amongst the hills and vales of Ireland suite my fancy. Green, I bethink me, ’tis a far more becoming colour than it is a flavour.
Therefore I sadly restate my refusal to partake of thee thy kindly rendered invitation to sup with thee on this particular dish.
Though I take thee at thy word that the verdant overtones of this repast is due not to rot nor rancidness, still do I pray of thee, tempt me not further upon this course. I liketh me not this breaking of my fast with eggs and ham whose visage is thus despoiled.
your obedient servant, W. Shakespeare.
year of our Lord, 1602
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So there you have it. Quite simple, really. All I ask of you is to be able to imagine an alternate reality where Dr. Seuss’ lovable yet pushy Sam I Am is running around trying to coax real people into trying green eggs and ham, and he just happens to run into a famous playwright. Obviously I could have done the whole thing as a sonnet instead of a simple reply letter, but there are copyright laws to consider. Besides, it was already done in verse in the original.
Once again, welcome to my world…
So I was reading my own blog from the beginning today… (I admit that I think I am so funny that I do that sometimes, just to remind myself how funny I am)… But this time I was doing it for a less self absorbed reason. It was because I finally realized that I get all these brilliant comments, but I never put them all in perspective. I usually just answer them as notifications without paying any attention to what they were in reference to. But a good friend was actually reading my blog from the very start, and I finally figured out that I could just click on the title of my own post above the comment, and go back to my old posts to see exactly what the comments were in reference to.
You would be surprised how much more sense comments make when you know what they are about!
So today, I read all about me again, but this time I was going through all the comment strings below my posts. I knew you guys were awesome, but now I am just amazed. I was having conversations with people that lasted days, and I didn’t even know how they all tied together!… (I would like to point out that none of you noticed my confusion, so either I am crazy smart, or…)…
But the point is this; I cherish your comments…
When I read them as real conversations, the depth of thought and range of topics, the random changes in direction, it is like going to a party where all the great thinkers and writers and artists of history are discussing the very essence of life, the meaning of existence, and the reason for the cosmos.
(How was that for a sentence?)…
I have done 207 posts, but I have received the gift of 3,175 comments, and I have no words to describe how much they mean to me…
Thank you.
or; Why I like kids better than adults…
When Jessica was about 5 or 6, she took a class field trip to Sea World. We have gone to Sea World lots of times over the years, although I have very mixed feelings about the place. But as a stay at home dad, I volunteered to help. We got there early, before the park was open to the public, and they escorted us all to the dolphin tank. I have always loved these adorable creatures, and there is something about seeing them in captivity that sets my teeth on edge. They don’t look unhappy, but with those cute smiles and tendency to frolic, how could you tell? The tank is not very big, about the size of an Olympic swimming pool, I guess. They want the dolphins to never be too far from the guests, who lure them over with fish you buy from a vendor. The pool has rocks and plants, and clear plastic walls that curve slightly over the tank. You can crouch down and see them right through the walls when they are under the water.
During the later parts of the day, the dolphins get a little tired of all the screaming tourists trying to pet them, and just sort of circle the center of the pool once they have had their fill of fish. But in the morning, still hungry and full of energy, they were going wild. It was something to see. It was amazing. There were perhaps ten dolphins in this little pool, just playing like a pack of puppies, leaping and chasing each other around. Some just swam in circles as fast as they could go, and that is pretty darn fast. They were just enjoying being alive… like kids do.
I had a brief moment of stupidity. I wanted to share the moment with someone who had an adult’s vocabulary, so I could verbalize the joy I was feeling, and my sorrow that the dolphins had to be confined for our enjoyment. So I glanced around to see what the other parents were doing. Now, don’t get me wrong. I liked some of these people, and they were just fine as parents, for the most part. They were here with their kids on a field trip. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised to see them all chatting and sipping their Starbuck’s coffee, or talking on their cell phones. Not one adult was even looking at the dolphins… or their own kids watching the dolphins. They all had adult things on their minds.
And I admit, I got a little angry. Humans had gone out in boats and captured these beautiful, wild animals, then stuck them in a freekin fishbowl for our entertainment, and these idiots couldn’t even be bothered to pay them any attention. ‘Oh, I’ve seen dolphins before’, seemed to about sum up their level of interest.
Then, from where I was crouched on one knee by the wall of the tank, I cast a glance to either side of me. There were all the kids, each and every one with hands and face pressed against the plastic, eyes wide in joy, just to see these animals playing. They knew about playing. They knew about just letting go and feeling the moment. They knew about racing to nowhere in particular to feel free. They knew about life.
It dawned on me that adults, with all the words in the world, had nothing to say to me that I needed or wanted to hear. And I had nothing to say to them that wouldn’t sound just a little angry at that point.
And I realized, although I had always known it deep down, that at that moment, I was with my people.
Now, the rest of my victims… I mean recipients, for the…
1. http://ohmygawdjustdowhatisay.wordpress.com/ This is the blog of my friend Ginger Snaap, and she is one spicy cookie… (HA)… She inspires me for many reasons. Her family has had more than their fare share of health issues… (I am not sharing secrets, she is very upfront about it, as you will see when you visit her blog… I have read almost all of her posts… I will finish today, in fact)… But she doesn’t let the cruel vagaries of the uncaring cosmos stop her from being her… which is a good thing. She looks fate in the face and says, “What the heck are you looking at?” And she does great comments, if you are found worthy…
2. http://tadams4u.wordpress.com/ Tammy, as her blog will tell you, is laughing at everyday life. We should all do that more often. She is funny and just the right amount of weird. She comments, and I smile, what more can I say? If she likes you, you know that you are a good person. And she doesn’t have a mean or negative bone in her body… not that I have seen her body… but you know what I mean…
3. http://batdoc.wordpress.com/ The batdoc posts are hard to explain. I like them for a lot of reasons, including the fact that a lot of them are just pictures, so you don’t spend three hours reading them everyday. But they are pictures of some seriously funny stuff. If you like superheroes, comic books, fantasy, or just plain absurdity, get your geek on…
4. http://mrsdentonorahippopotamus.wordpress.com/ I am going to let my ignorance show, but I am not sure whether to call this guy by his blog address, or the title… ‘Next Stop Willoughby’… Maybe some of you could tell me how that works, because I am a computer ignoramus… Which is why I love this guy. He is the one who told me about Lunapics, the website that let me do so many of those funny, crazy, moving picture posts. And he helped me with tech support till I got it to work. And he does these Jeopardy game posts that will stretch your mind muscles… And he is just a nice guy…
So there you have it. Just a few of the people who have inspired me in one way or another. Or, as I like to call them… Friends.
I left out many people, and I am sorry about that. But these are the harsh decisions that these awards force us to make.
It is time to pass on the…
… to seven lucky people.
I have decided to take a few liberties with this part… (like you didn’t see that coming)… For one thing, I will not be bothered by the fact that most, if not all, of these people already have this award. The award is for people who inspire ME. Obviously I can’t be expected to track down seven people who inspire me, but have never bothered to inspire anyone else. No one aims their inspirational talents solely at me… (even I am not self centered enough to believe that)… These people are like suns, they radiate their inspirational qualities in all directions, and we just bask in their warmth and light.
My first honoree is going to be flustered and maybe even miffed, because I am sure he has at least 8 of this exact award already, and he sort of said he didn’t need another, and he doesn’t like it when his wishes are ignored… (So double bonus points for me)…
1. http://edwardhotspur.wordpress.com/ Oh, Ed… How do I love thee? Let me count the ways… (I am sorry. I know you didn’t want this. But the truth is, you do inspire me)… Ed is just the MAN. The new-age man, the renaissance man, the evolved man. He writes poetry that will bounce your heart around in your ribcage. He like pictures of flowers and clouds. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks… (not even me, if you can imagine that)… But do not piss Ed off, because he will open a can of whupass words on you like you ain’t never seen… trust me… He can tear you down, rebuild you upside down, then burn you to the ground, mix the ashes with his own urine, make a statue of you, let it dry, and then kick it to bits. I would rather be surrounded by 50 screaming, bitter ex-lovers shouting about how I never satisfied them than suffer 5 words of Ed’s scorn… (so what’s not inspirational about that guy, I ask you?)…
2. http://hobbling.wordpress.com/ She rides a wheelchair into battle against the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, like a silver knight on a faithful steed… (because her other steed in in the repair barn right now and… never mind)… and kicks life’s ass. She is deep, she is kind, she is funny, and she takes no crap… or prisoners. Read all her stuff. I am…
3. http://dottyheadbanger.wordpress.com/ Dotty is an interesting and inspiring character. She is a self confessed hermit. She stays inside. Her world is peopled by characters from literature, pygmies who are also vampire/zombies… (or something like that)… and a family that makes the Adams Family seem normal. She has a strange fixation with bricks and sausages. She goes on rants. Her inspiration derives from facing her problems in unique ways, and that is why she inspires me… Oh, and she is English, so if you don’t watch a lot of BBC America or classic British comedy on PBS, you may need an English/English translation book…
I am going to post this now, because last time, this is where WordPress and I conspired to make a long post with links vanish…
Back soon with part 2.
