Here are two quick tongue-twisters for you;
Moist mist…
Wasp Whip…
That last one is from my novel. The main character got to name an entire alien species, and he thought it would be funny to make it a tongue twister. And the aliens are very tall and thin and have arms like whips. They also have black and gold stripes like a wasp. All of which you would already know if you bought my book,
I am reduced to begging… Please buy my book. I don’t even care if you read it. If you get the paperback copy, you can use it to even up a short table leg, or as a ruler. You can even use it as an emergency toilet paper roll in your camping stuff.
We are all writers. And if you can make my dream of becoming a succesful author come true, that means that the self-publishing route works and we can all be famous and have our stories made into movies starring Brad Pitt. Or at least be paid to use our imaginations. And how cool would that be?
If you have read it, please go back to where you got it and do a review so people know that it is funny.
You have probably figured out by now that whatever was going on in this blog on the day you stumbled across it, there has been a lot of other weird stuff going on since then. I do these posts occasionally to apologize for any confusion I might have caused. Because causing confusion is sort of what I do here. There is no better way to explain it.
Many of you might be disappointed that whatever it was that I was doing on that first visit has not been repeated. All I can say is… don’t hold your breath. I don’t mean that in a rude way. It is just that I have so little control over what my brain does that the odds are that I will never work my way back around to whatever it was that first caught your eye… unless you really like mean Photoshop pictures of Dick Cheney, because I will never get sick of messing with that… Dick.
That being said, I will make you a firm promise. I have set the ‘infinite scroll’ option on my dashboard. That means that you can just keep scrolling down until you get all the way to my very first blog post presumably. I am not saying you have to go that far. But just give this a try;
Scroll down quickly… just keep going… don’t stop and read anything or even focus on the pictures. Just let the totality of what I do wash over you. I guess you can stop and look if something really catches your eye. My promise is this;
There is something down there that will blow your freekin’ mind. I don’t know what it is. You don’t even know what it is… yet… but it will happen. If it doesn’t, I will give you your money back.
You could also, I suppose, pick a random month in the archives and go look at it. Whatever seems like the least amount of work. There is a slight chance that if you make a suggestion for a post idea and it gets lodged in my cranium, I will go crazy with it and spend weeks doing funny pictures and strange stories. I do like to consider this to be an interactive blog.
Thank you all.
There is an alien invasion fleet on the way to Earth, and the only way you can stop it is to buy my novel…
Because all the answers are in there… or in the upcoming sequels… Hey, I’m just sayin’… It’s your planet.
Mollie and I took the dog to the beach a few weeks back. We spotted this delightful little creature in the water…
I think it is a sea slug of some kind…
But it was pretty big. And the colors were just astounding…
Well, maybe not on the bottom so much… if that is the bottom…
Mollie fell in love with it and wanted to bring it home. I would have been totally okay with that… except that it would have died and my wife would have been less than thrilled.
Oh man, I apologize for this post in advance. But I have been thinking about that post I did a few days ago where I suggested some new ways we can use just the first letters of words to make our language more efficient. And I really do hate that LOL thing.
Some of the less-mature of my followers noticed than one of my clever new inventions actually spelled out a bad word;
So Hilarious I’m Trippin’…
And this reminded me of a sign for a church in my hometown. A sign that had to be taken down, because the first letter of each word was capitalized, and people driving by were crashing their cars because they got distracted or they were laughing too hard. That’s right, I’m talking to you, First Unitarian Church of Kensington!
So now all I can think of is how to turn bad words into useful verbal and typing shortcuts. So we can take back the bad words and they wont be bad anymore.
Here is what I came up with… without too much trouble at all;
Definitely Involved Casual Kissing…
Positively Insane Social Situation…
She Can Really Eat Watermelon…
Can Really Appreciate Poetry…
Always Something Stupid…
Try Using Regular Dishsoap…
Crazy Old Crappy Keyboard…
Time’s Wasting Away Terribly…
Particularly Under Stress…
I could go on… but I am too ashamed of myself.
As a note of interest, when you say ‘WWW’ instead of ‘World Wide Web’… not that anybody says either of those things anymore… you are using nine syllables instead of three. That hardly seems efficient to me. But whatever.
(Oh my gosh I am a professional author)…
